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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28676976">memory palace, you and i</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkworm/pseuds/pinkworm'>pinkworm</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hannibal (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Dark Will Graham, Hannibal (TV) Season/Series 04, Hannibal Lecter Loves Will Graham, M/M, Memory Palace, Post-Episode: s02e13 Mizumono, Will Graham Knows</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 06:00:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,183</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28676976</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkworm/pseuds/pinkworm</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I got caught up in time, I got my mind turned upside down, but what’s stopping you from seeing me, from driving to this ghost town?</p><p>hannibal is trapped in baltimore hospital and his only escapes are his memory palace and the hope that will graham will find him.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Will Graham &amp; Hannibal Lecter, Will Graham/Hannibal Lecter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hope you like it</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I have been living here for the last three years. The steps lead to winding hallways, all ending in you. The walls are splattered with the blood of my victims, spelling out your name. The ground is built upon the graves of yours, my heart is buried there somewhere.</p><p>See the ceiling, Will? See the vastness and its ability to enclose everyone’s devotion while also looming over us threateningly? It doesn’t want us to forget that the sky may fall anytime. It is all god’s doing. All to be done in due time.</p><p>See my body, Will? See a ghost waiting patiently under my skin, ready to attack? Only, it’s not a predator; it's a tender beast waiting for you to hunt it down. It’s humming your name, waiting to come alive under your touch. I am your undoing. I am yours to be undone. </p><p>I have been walking up and down this aisle, nobody in attendance to witness. I walk away from Mischa, I walk towards you. It’s twenty five steps, and by the thirteenth, I can hear Abigail’s scream, and by the twentieth I can see you standing in front of me, you’re here for me. By the time I reach you, my hands are buzzing to touch your face.</p><p>Alana wants to take away my belongings in an attempt to melt my dignity away. However she will have to do something other than remove material possessions in order to rile me up. </p><p>The thing is, the day I left your house, I left my dignity behind. It sits in the gaps of your rebuffal. I walked out of there a spurned lover; the one who surrendered was a shell of a man, a closed casket in the place of my heart, holding a key to this palace. I have had to turn to stone, so that they cannot find me in me. But I am chipping away now, and I am afraid the tears which are pooled in me will make me burst open and spill on the floor of this hospital. </p><p>I have been hungry for the last three years, I have been angry. My appetite stems from the desire to replace the vulgarity in me with something beautiful, and my appetency for you stems from the fact that only you hold the power to change me, and if I consumed you, I would hand the reins back to myself. I wanted that like a child a few years ago, I had never been so out of control. Now all I want is you here, next to me, your eyes devoid of any rejection you have in store for me. I am tired of being denied over and over when we both clearly know you cannot do away with me forever. </p><p>I will keep writing you letters and you will keep reading them. You will go on with your life as usual, only with something heavy on your shoulders, which will keep pressing on you until you are pushed down to hell, where you will have no choice but to wait for me, like I am waiting here for you. You know that no one else will walk through hell for you. </p><p>It is with this hope that I keep existing, allowing a small part of myself to be in reality, while the rest of me anticipates here in this memory palace, dressed in white. One day you will come, one day you will look me in the eye and realise that in renouncing me, you have denied yourself a life which would have been your design. I have always wanted the best for you, and in that I have found the best for me. </p><p>I know one day when I look past this glass wall, you will be reflected back. Until then, I will preserve myself, until then I will remain a stone relic from a time when I almost had you. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>hi, this is from Will's perspective, while he was in the hospital post Mizumono. It's brief, but then, the poor man's sick and out of it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>I know this is not real, I know I cannot lock these doors from the inside and live my life here. Yet, this is where I end up, no matter what route I take. There is a hospital bed, and there is a body on it. It is mine. Inside of the body is a man, also me, who roams around in these winding hallways. Your voice echoes all around me, and I try to follow it. It pierces my body, and I keep coming back for it again and again. Nothing can hurt me anymore, not since you put a knife in me and cut loose all the strings which held me taut from the inside. Everything I will do henceforth will be varnished with blood. Tell me, did you take the knife with you? Did you use it to cut other people to consume them, hoping that you would feel some element of me inside you?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>I could have given you that; I could have given you a daughter and a life less painful. Oh I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>it hurts, it hurts so much you think you will go blind by the pain. The only time you witnessed a sliver of recognition in someone was when you pushed that knife into me. You saw how I had always been on your side, how I was ready to walk with you, through hell. If you had kissed me Hannibal, instead of gutting me, it would have had the same effect on me. Only it would have hurt less, only I would have been near you right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Where are you? I roam these winding hallways, I sit here until the sun completes circles around me, waiting for you. I forgive you, I forgive your actions. Any animal left alone in the wild will always look out to protect himself, even from his own species. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I know you were so tired, you were so wounded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Abigail talks to me. I think she is in the room next to me. She tells me how you never let her feel discomfort. She could have been our golden child, the warmth extending in both our directions, making our shells crack. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>I miss walking. I miss fishing. I dream of water, I dream of it taking up the shape of a hand, cradling me away gently. I see glimpses of my father in the faces of people who walk in and out of this hospital room. I see Alana, cracked open in front of your house, the way I saw Abigail’s mother. In my head, you’re still in the kitchen, waiting for me to come and put ten bullets in you. I do think of doing that, but it doesn’t bring me comfort. I don’t want to pity you.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>I keep wondering, is there a life ahead of me? Are you in my future? I have no answers, only a shameless expectancy - that you will come back. Until then, my body will rot here, while I walk inside this palace, turning everything over and over, until it all falls in place together. Maybe then I will be able to see you. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>comments, feedbacks, etc are welcome! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading, feedback is appreciated &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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